The end.

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Funny how something so final is just the beginning. I sat in the therapist’s office with those words hanging in the air. “I guess we should get a divorce”. You know that ringing you get out of nowhere. It was there, but it was background noise. I looked at this person I loved with my entire heart. This person who I had told every secret to, every thought. The person I had spent 30 years with did not want me. He wanted a new life. A life to have sex with anyone he wanted any time. There was no room for me in his new life. In all fairness, I had been offered an open marriage. Like that was some prize. Not only have I been cheating on you but I want to stay married to you and have your blessing to cheat. I asked if he was serious. He had entered therapy that day emotionless. I didn’t realize it was because he had already checked out. This was therapy session number 4 and he had no intention of saving our marriage. He wanted out. He was 50 and decided he had done his time. He had gotten what he wanted from me. Our youngest was now a senior in college and he could leave. Unencumbered by the responsibilities of a family. He stood and I stood. He may have whispered a feeble sorry. I don’t remember. I just remember screaming and calling him a liar. I smacked him with my open hand a few times and he threatened to call the police. I stopped. And I laughed. What??? The therapist told him to leave. I threw my wedding ring at him and told him to get his shit out I was coming home. He was leaving to be with his affair. He called our kids that night, and told them he asked me for a divorce. He told them I had hit him. He left me all the pieces of our families life to pick up. All while my life was falling apart. I had nothing. Because HE was my everything. He left our home straight to the home of his affair. A seamless transition for him. He had been setting this up for at least a year. Well done. As I drove to get my friend because I didn’t know what to do my oldest called. “Mom. Mom are you ok? Mom what happened? Dad called and said he wants a divorce. Mom? I said “honey I love you. I want to be there for you. But right now, i have to do this. “Mom come see me at school tomorrow”. Ok honey I will. The second call was no better. Me checking on them not having any better answers. People who were together 30 years in their 50s didn’t just get a divorce after 4 counseling sessions. Where was the begging and pleading from him? The I have made a mistake? It wasn’t there. On Facebook that same night the man I was completely in love with, was taking photos at a party with his affair. And they were laughing. All smiles. Not a care in the world. Our children saw that. They saw their father not even remotely upset at the end of his family. That’s because he had already known for a while what he was going to do. He had prepared financially and emotionally. And he left me with nothing. I was alone. But this, is not the end.

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